I’m not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be I never break any laws, ever, because I’m deathly afraid of cops.
why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”
“Okay your job is to keep the pandas in their pen.”
“And I get paid to do this.”
I like how the last one is all “Almost…almost…MOTHER FU-“
PERIODS BLOOD UTERUS VAGINAS ASSES BOOBS ONE BOOB BIGGER THAN THE OTHER NIPPLES HURTING WAXING LEGS WAXING VAGINAS BRAZILIAN FUCKING WAXES GETTING YOUR ASSHOLE WAXED WAXING ARMPITS WAXING TOP LIPS WAXING EYEBROWS DRAWING IN YOUR EYEBROWS TATTOOING YOUR EYEBROWS ON PLUCKING YOUR EYEBROWS HAIR DYE HAIR CUTS SPLIT ENDS HAIRDRYERS EXPLODING HAIR STRAIGHTENERS HAIR CURLERS HAIR WAVERS SHOES HEELS WEDGES FLATS CONVERSE DOC MARTENS BOYS BOYS TELLING YOU YOURE TOO FAT BOYS TELLING YOU YOURE DUMB BOYS TELLING YOU YOURE WORTHLESS AND UGLY AND VILE AND DISGUSTING WITHOUT MAKEUP FUCKING EYELINER AND MASCARA AND FOUNDATION AND CONCEALER AND POWDER AND PERFUME AND LIPSTICK AND LIPGLOSS AND LIP BALM AND BEING TOO TALL BEING TOO SMALL BEING TOO SKINNY BEING TOO FAT NOT LOOKING LIKE THE GIRL IN THE MAGAZINE NOT LOOKING LIKE THAT ACTRESS NOT LOOKING LIKE THAT MODEL PURGING ANOREXIA BULIMIA ALL BECAUSE DOUCHE BAGS LIKE YOU CAN’T DEAL WITH FUCKING GIRL PROBLEMS
TRIGGER WARNING??? GROW SOME BALLS YOUR MOTHER DEALS WITH THIS YOUR SISTER DEALS WITH THIS YOUR AUNTIE YOUR COUSIN YOUR FRIEND YOUR NEIGHBOUR THE FUCKING QUEEN DEALS WITH ALL THIS SHIT BECAUSE BOYS ARE SO SO SO DUMB AND SUCH ASSHOLES WHEN IT COMES TO THIS
when ur a racist sexist douchebag and you think its acceptable because people love ur creepy lemur eyes
You can shut up now bc he’s more attractive than you
the awkward moment when someone being “more attractive than you” makes it okay for them to be racist/sexist???
HEADCANON: Clint Barton knows how to say, “can I pet your dog?” in 17 languages.